he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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