is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
