you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
