You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
