In the future we'll all be gay
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I will die if light touches me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize