tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
