Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
