I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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