i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
