escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
