every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
