Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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