I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
