Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
