Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
