i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
