that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
