She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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