The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
