I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
