NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
