Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
