How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
