Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
