Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
