I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
