I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
