i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
