U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
