Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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