No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
