So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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