so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
