He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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