So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
