she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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