pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
