Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
