So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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