final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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