yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Come on in and take your pants off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
