I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
