The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
