I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
