i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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