suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
