somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you didnt know i had herpes?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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