I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
