Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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