We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
