My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
