Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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