bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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