can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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