Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize