I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
