please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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