Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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