am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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