after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
